January 2026

I thought safety alone would be enough to heal. What I learned was that disruption can delay recovery — even when the environment is objectively better.

Even when nothing was wrong, I noticed myself constantly checking — the air, the light, my body. I didn’t realize yet that scanning had become a habit, not a warning.

I kept looking for a specific cause. What I eventually realized was that the change alone was enough to keep my body on edge.

I kept telling myself the threat was over. My body didn’t argue — it just stayed ready. I didn’t understand yet that alertness doesn’t shut off on command.

I thought the hard part was the decision or the change itself. What surprised me was how much my body struggled in the in-between.

I kept trying to label what I was feeling. Was it my environment — or something my body was still holding onto? I didn’t realize yet that the question itself was part of the confusion.

The new place was supposed to help. What caught me off guard was how much harder things felt before they eased.

Even after the danger was addressed, my body kept watching. I didn’t realize yet that hyper-vigilance doesn’t turn off — it unwinds.

The move was complete, the boxes were unpacked — but my body still felt like it was in transit.

One day felt steady. The next felt tender again. I kept looking for a pattern until I realized my body was adjusting in real time, not following a script.