When I Stopped Asking “Is the House Fixed?” and Started Listening
Shifting from verification to awareness
I asked the same question over and over.
Was the house fixed yet?
“I believed the right answer would finally let me relax.”
But the more I asked it, the more unsettled I felt.
This didn’t mean I needed better answers — it meant I needed a different question.
Why “Is It Fixed?” Became the Only Question
Fixing the house felt measurable.
There were reports, timelines, and visible changes I could point to.
“I trusted external confirmation more than internal signals.”
This made sense after months of uncertainty.
I had already been relying heavily on outcomes and labels when leaving didn’t mean remediation failed, something I reflected on in Why Leaving Didn’t Mean Remediation Failed.
What Listening Showed Me Instead
Listening didn’t give me a single answer.
It gave me patterns.
“My body told me more over weeks than any inspection did in a day.”
I noticed how much effort it took to stay present in certain spaces.
That effort mattered.
Why Listening Felt Risky at First
I worried that listening meant giving up control.
That it would lead me somewhere inconvenient or irreversible.
“I was afraid of what I might hear if I stopped negotiating.”
This fear softened once I realized listening didn’t demand action.
It just offered clarity.
How This Shift Changed My Relationship With the Space
Once I stopped asking the house to prove itself, the pressure eased.
I stopped monitoring every sensation.
“Awareness replaced interrogation.”
This didn’t force a decision.
It allowed one to emerge naturally.