Why I Stopped Waiting to “Feel Normal” After Remediation

Letting go of an old reference point I could no longer reach

For a long time, everything hinged on one idea.

Feeling normal again.

“I told myself I’d re-enter life once I felt like my old self.”

The problem was that “normal” kept moving.

This didn’t mean I was failing to recover — it meant I was measuring myself against a version of me that no longer existed.

Why “Normal” Felt Like the Only Acceptable Outcome

Normal promised closure.

If I could feel the way I used to, then everything that happened would finally make sense.

“I treated normal like proof that I was done.”

This expectation quietly kept me stuck.

I had already seen how waiting for certainty stalled me, something I explored in Why Wanting Certainty Kept Me Stuck After Remediation.

I postponed plans.

I delayed decisions that weren’t urgent but mattered.

“I kept my life small while waiting to feel ready again.”

Normal became a gate I couldn’t pass.

And the longer I waited, the less reachable it felt.

Once I let go of normal, something unexpected happened.

My days became more livable.

“I wasn’t back to who I was — but I was present for who I was becoming.”

This shift echoed what I had already noticed when progress felt too subtle to trust.

I had written about that quiet change in When Progress Felt Too Subtle to Trust.

I stopped trying to rewind my life.

I started letting it re-form instead.

“Healing wasn’t about returning — it was about rebuilding capacity.”

This allowed my nervous system to settle without needing to hit a familiar baseline.

It also reduced the pressure I had been placing on every day to prove something.