What I Learned About Feeling “Homesick” for a Place That Made Me Sick
I didn’t miss the mold — I missed the version of life I believed I had there.
I didn’t expect to feel homesick.
Not after what that rental did to me.
“And yet there were moments I ached for it like it was a lost safe place.”
The contradiction made me question myself.
Missing a place doesn’t mean it was good for you — it often means something meaningful happened there.
Why longing showed up after I had already left
While I was living in it, I was in survival mode.
After I left, my body finally had room to feel what I had been carrying.
“It was like my grief waited until I was safe to arrive.”
That emotional wave felt connected to the fallout I noticed after leaving, which I wrote about in this article.
Some emotions arrive only when the nervous system is no longer bracing.
How I realized I wasn’t missing the house itself
I wasn’t longing for the air.
I was longing for the routine — the familiarity — the story I thought I was living.
“I missed the predictability, even if it had been harming me.”
That helped me understand why home had become such a complicated concept, something I explored in this piece.
Familiarity can feel comforting even when it wasn’t truly safe.
Why grief felt tangled with relief
Relief was real.
And so was sadness.
“I felt like I was grieving something I didn’t want back.”
That paradox made more sense when I stopped trying to make my feelings consistent.
Mixed emotions don’t cancel each other out — they can both be true.
What helped me let the longing exist without meaning I was wrong
I stopped treating homesickness as a sign I should have stayed.
I started treating it as evidence that the experience mattered.
“Missing it didn’t mean I was going back — it meant I was human.”
That reframe softened the shame that kept trying to attach itself to my grief.
Grief doesn’t always mean regret — sometimes it just means change was real.
The questions homesickness brought up
Why do I miss a place that hurt me? Does this mean I made the wrong choice? When does this feeling fade?
These questions didn’t need fixing — they explained why leaving could still feel like loss.