Why Healing After Mold Felt Strangely Boring — and Why That Didn’t Mean I Was Stuck
Nothing was happening — and that felt confusing.
After everything we went through, I expected healing to feel active.
Like I would notice progress happening.
Instead, days passed quietly.
I couldn’t tell if anything was changing anymore.
Quiet didn’t mean I was stuck — it meant my body no longer needed to react.
Why I Mistook Calm for Stagnation
For so long, improvement came through effort.
Adjustments, decisions, constant attention.
When those stopped, I assumed progress had stopped too.
If nothing was happening, I thought nothing was improving.
I had learned to measure progress by intensity, not stability.
When Healing No Longer Gave Feedback
Symptoms weren’t demanding my attention.
There were no clear markers to track.
Without feedback, I didn’t know how to gauge where I was.
This mirrored what I described in why I didn’t know when to stop working on healing.
Healing stopped announcing itself.
Lack of feedback didn’t mean lack of movement.
Why My Nervous System Still Expected Something to Happen
Even in calm, part of me stayed alert.
I waited for disruption.
Stillness felt temporary.
This connected to what I shared in why letting my guard down felt risky.
My body expected the next shoe to drop.
Expectation of impact can linger after danger has passed.
How Regulation Feels Different Than Improvement
Improvement had once felt like change.
Regulation felt like sameness.
The absence of swings was the signal.
Stability doesn’t feel like motion.
Being regulated meant fewer sensations to interpret.
What Shifted When I Let Stillness Count
I stopped waiting for proof.
I let ordinary days accumulate.
Slowly, trust replaced evaluation.
Nothing happening became evidence.
Healing continued quietly once I stopped watching for it.