Why I Didn’t Heal in a Straight Line — and Why That Didn’t Mean Something Was Wrong

Progress didn’t move the way I expected it to.

When things started improving, I assumed the direction was set.

Better days would stack. Symptoms would fade. Life would steadily expand.

Then a harder day would appear.

I wondered if I had misread the progress entirely.

Healing that moved unevenly didn’t mean it was failing — it meant my system was still recalibrating.

Why I Expected Healing to Be Linear

I had spent so long watching for cause and effect.

Do this, feel better. Remove that, improve.

It trained me to expect predictable outcomes.

I thought progress would behave like a checklist.

Linear expectations came from problem-solving, not nervous-system repair.

A stretch of calm would end.

Sleep would wobble. Energy would dip. Old sensations would flicker.

I questioned everything again.

I treated fluctuation as regression.

Variability didn’t erase progress — it revealed how sensitive my system still was.

Stability didn’t arrive all at once.

My body tested safety, then pulled back.

Each return to calm went a little deeper.

Safety had to be proven repeatedly.

Healing unfolded through repetition, not permanence.

I tracked every shift.

Compared yesterday to today.

The monitoring kept my system activated.

Attention can quietly sustain tension.

Progress settled more once I stopped measuring it.

I stopped labeling days as good or bad.

I let fluctuations pass without meaning.

Over time, the swings softened.

Nothing dramatic shifted — everything gradually did.

Uneven healing didn’t block recovery — it was recovery.